Arrow Diamond (XBLIG, 2013)

Arrow Diamond
Developed/Published by Hitmark Brothers
Released for XBLIG (9/19/2013)

If you've read through any number of the XBLIG reviews here, you know that I've described many of those games as weird or strange (which they are), but I think this game might take the cake for the most mysterious piece of software that I've encountered on the service. Rather than just simply giving the game a proper name composed of letters like everything else, the Hitmark Brothers decided that this title would be named using symbols. GameFAQs has it listed as Arrow Diamond, but in the game library and back when it was sold it was simply listed as ->♦, which I suppose could be directly translated to Arrow Diamond. Naming your game with symbols is a sure-fire way to make sure that your game is nigh impossible to find, so its doubtful that many were even aware of this game's existence. This is just the beginning of the weirdness that lies within the game that will be referred to as Arrow Diamond...

After starting up a new game, you'll take control of a giant green hand that belongs to presumably a god, looming down from the sky above. Everything is viewed from a 2D perspective and the first thing you'll notice are the little green seed things walking around on the ground level. Some of the seeds will grow a sprout which can pushed down into the ground using your finger. You can also flick them to quickly move them or pick them up to manually relocate them. Once a seed has been planted, you'll need to nourish it with water. There's water on either side of the little island you have to work with, so using your giant hand you'll need to cup a handful of water and dump it on the plant.

Rushing Punch<ラッシングパンチ> (XBLIG, 2011)

Rushing Punch<ラッシングパンチ>
Developed by Divider Games
Released for XBLIG (5/2011)

Rushing Punch is what you would call a kusoge game, meaning it's a bad game but holds some value in that it's so awful it's laughable. The graphics are odd in this one, looking like something that might have released as a budget title on the PS1. The characters are made up of strange textures and the environment just kind of ends at an invisible barrier as if the developer forgot to finish the map. The character animation is severely lacking, containing just a few frames for his walking animation. Same for the punch, which is animated so carelessly you can barely even tell when you're doing it. The kick is obviously way more effective than the punch therefore having two attacks is pointless. You also have a special move that drains your health where your character does a spin kick hitting anybody around you. Once you've defeated enough enemies, a group of skeletons come after you (which the game calls "Skeltons").

The trial for Rushing Punch only lets you play the first stage and once you finish it there's a splash screen informing you that there are six levels in total for you to conquer in the full version. I never bought the game, as even for $1 I feel I got about the most I'm going to get out of this game from the trial. The game is definitely a contender for worst beat 'em up ever! I almost forgot to mention your character's name is Haggar, not to be confused with the wrestling mayor who beat down the Mad Gear in Final Fight!

Final Verdict: Rushing Punch is an abysmal beat 'em up, probably one of the worst ever made. If you like "kusoge" or bad games it's worth a play or two but everybody else steer clear!

Related Links:
Beat 'Em Ups - Xbox Overview
Rushing Punch - GameFAQs

Sword and Hammer (XBLIG, 2011)

Sword and Hammer
Developed by BM Games
Released for XBLIG (1/2011)

Sword and Hammer comes from the long-lost genre of full-motion video games. These were big mostly back in the early '90's, just as compact discs were reaching consumers but was started back in the '80's by Dragon's Lair. The entire game is made up of quick-time events. The game will play a movie clip and when it's time for an event the action will pause and the screen will display the button you need to press to progress. If you take too long or press the wrong button you'll lose some of your life meter. Since the events are somewhat randomized, you'll have some playthroughs when you'll see the exact same footage several times before moving onto something else. The video quality is quite grainy, which in a way gives it that authentic old-school feel. The actors have some pretty cool armor suits and seemed excited to show it off for this game. The entire movie aspect of the game has a b-movie feel to it, which is the primary reason I enjoyed playing through this one. The game will only last about fifteen minutes and you should also take into account that you'll likely see the same footage several times over even just in a single playthrough. The game definitely would have benefited from some more footage to add a little variety, but as it is Sword and Hammer is kind of a neat throwback to a forgotten and often hated genre. The game used to retail at $2.99, but the price was later dropped to $1. As far as I can tell, this one never made it off XBLIG so it will be forgotten in time now that the service is dead.

Final Verdict: If you're one of those odd folks who enjoys full-motion video or quick-time event games, then Sword and Hammer is for you!

Related Links:
Sword and Hammer - GameFAQs

Leucistic Wyvern (XBLIG, 2010)

Leucistic Wyvern
Developed by Mukagosoftware Development
Released for XBLIG (10/2010)

Leucistic Wyvern is a poor-man's version of the Sega Saturn classic Panzer Dragoon. I had to look up the definition of "leucistic," which as far as I can tell isn't a proper word but it is close to leucism. Leucism is a condition found in animals that will cause their skin/fur to be pale due to a lack of pigmentation. What that has to do with our wyvern here I'm not sure as it doesn't really appear to be pigmentally challenged.

After spending some time with Leucistic Wyvern, I'm pretty determined to declare Mukagosoftware Development (the developers) the kings of kusoge on XBLIG. Wyvern is by all means a bad game, looking like a budget title that would have released for the PlayStation 2 or Dreamcast back in the early 2000's. The textures are pretty ugly, the rendered objects are made of up low-count blocky polygons and there's pop-in all over the place. In a strange way all of this works to the favor of Leucistic Wyvern to make it a unique experience. It's one of those games that's so bad it's good. The controls are reasonably responsive and your wyvern shoots giant purple balls making it quite easy to shoot down your targets. There are even bosses to shoot down at the end of the stages and after every few stages you'll get a bonus stage where you can rack up extra points by flying through rings (careful though, you can smash into the sides of the rings and die here too!).  The game features a high score table and even a credits system. In the trial version I played, I was given three credits and once you've used those up it's back to the beginning. I found Leucistic Wyvern to be a fun but poorly designed title, almost like a lost PS2 title that got dug back up and released.

Final Verdict: Leucistic Wyvern is the kusoge version of Panzer Dragoon but it seems almost self-aware of this and is actually somewhat fun to play.

Related Links:
Leucistic Wyvern - GameFAQs
Mukagosoftware Development - Official Site

The Incident of Dreamy Vale Church (XBLIG, 2011)

The Incident of Dreamy Vale Church
Developed by DarthCheesiest
Released for XBLIG (1/2011)

Upon booting up the Incident of Dreamy Vale Church, the developer beckons you to "Please rate this game" at the initial loading screen. Just thought I'd note that as I found it a bit odd and have never seen that in all of the XBLIG titles I've played. This game is a side-scrolling beat 'em up, from the same creator as the mediocre Burning Fist of Rage. This becomes evident very quickly as the two games play very similar. If you've read my review of that game you'll know this is not a good thing.

The game features a "sexy" protagonist whose rendering just ends up looking more strange than anything else. In the first stage of the trial, I walked through a church beating up a whole bunch of identical-looking skeletons. The controls are responsive enough but the hits lack any real sense of impact. My biggest gripe with this game is the lack of enemy variety, you literally just fight the same skeletons over and over. I just couldn't find the motivation to even play through the trial for the full three-minute duration. If you're one of those people who enjoys playing terrible games you may want to check this one out, but everybody else can rest assured this title isn't worth any of your limited time on this planet.

Final Verdict: Beat 'em up fans can skip the Incident of Dreamy Vale Church as it is a sub-par effort. If you enjoy bad games than you may get something out of this one, but you've been warned how forgettable it is.

Related Links:
Incident of Dreamy Vale Church - GameFAQs

Angry Barry (XBLIG, 2009)

Angry Barry
Developed by Arrogancy
Released for Xbox Live Indie Games (5/2009)

The developer's description of Angry Barry states that it's "a side-scrolling, political parody, 1-2 player 2D beat-'em-up in the tradition of many classic arcade games." The game did remind me of Bad Dudes initially, an old classic coin-op game where you beat down ninjas to save the president. In this game, you play as a dude that looks like Obama who is apparently trying to take over as President. The idea sounded wacky enough so I gave the trial a look. The first thing I noticed is the game is priced higher than your average indie game and the developer tells you in the initial splash screen he had to price it that high because they went over the file-size limit, forcing the developer to price the game higher than your standard $1 indie title.

The first stage has you beating up a bunch of old ladies that try to use pepper spray on you. You have several kinds of attacks but they all pretty much produce the same effect and seem to inflict the same amount of damage so what's the point? If you hold the punch button you throw a fireball and the game makes some very obnoxious noises that will make you not want to use that move anymore. To pass the stage, you must reach a point threshold and in order to reach that you have to keep beating up the same old lady. Over and over again. I know beat-'em-ups are not renowned for their incredibly deep game-play, but this game really set my boredom levels on fire in a hurry. You're pretty much stuck to one little area of the stage, there is an upper platform you can jump to and that's it. This was the first level you wanted people to play when they downloaded your trial? There are little bits of humor thrown in here and there and while it's appreciated it's just not enough to save this game and I could not muster the motivation to proceed even to the end of the first stage. The premise had potential but the game-play is just simply nowhere near as fun as any of the arcade classics that it's trying to emulate. For a good 2D beat 'em up, do yourself a favor and play some Kung-Fu Master, Altered Beast or Bad Dudes and leave this one alone.

Final Verdict: Angry Barry definitely ranks up there as one of the worst examples of the 2D beat-'em-up genre that I've played. Don't bother with this one!

Burning Fist of Rage (XBLIG, 2010)

Burning Fist of Rage
Developed by Darth Cheesiest
Released for Xbox Live Indie Games (5/2010)

Burning Fist of Rage is a throwback to the beat-'em-ups of yesterday, mostly influenced by Streets of Rage and Final Fight. Just like the old games that influenced it, Burning Fist of Rage actually has an attract screen, which isn't a big deal but definitely something you don't see much anymore. If left idle on the title screen, it will alternate between showing a preview of the game-play footage and profiles of the various characters. Unfortunately, that's probably about the highest compliment I can give this game is its attract screen! It's all downhill from there.

The characters look very unnatural when they walk, sporting some goofy animation. This is one of those "3D" beat-'em-ups, where you can attack in any direction, rather than just left or right like the traditional games in the genre and it just feels a bit clunky. There's no way to lock on to your target, so it's on you to aim your attacks properly. This works better in theory than it does in actual execution. The game is limited to your regular attack, dash attack, jump attack and life draining special move. This is the most bare-bones attack move set I think I've seen in a while. I do believe the developer had good intentions with this title and really loves the genre, but they obviously lacked the required talent/skill to create something to hold up to the classics. Thanks for the effort anyways I guess since this is an often overlooked genre and I'll take whatever I can get these days. As far as I know this was only released on XBLIG, so the game is now lost with the service being shut down, but you're not really missing all that much in this case.

Final Verdict: Burning Fist of Rage may hold some appeal to beat-'em-up junkies and I can't imagine anybody else getting any enjoyment out of it. It's one of those games that borders on being so bad it's good, but not quite.

Related Links:
Burning Fist of Rage - GameFAQs